If you are proud of your friend’s success, “You are a Vitamin Human.”
Experts suggest that when choosing people around us, we should consider how much they prioritize our needs and how much they respect our boundaries and desires. They say that achieving a balance in giving and receiving can lead to more enjoyable relationships. Dr. Aslı Başabak Bhais, a specialist clinical psychologist, emphasizes that relationships should be maintained by expressing inappropriate or unpleasant behaviors, setting boundaries, and without changing individuals.
Dr. Aslı Başabak Bhais, a specialist clinical psychologist at NPİSTANBUL Hospital, Üsküdar University, provided explanations on how vitamin relationships should be in our lives.
Vitamin relationships lead us to a better version of ourselves.
Starting her words by stating that in healthy relationships, also known as “Vitamin relationships,” individuals take into account the needs of the other person, Dr. Aslı Başabak Bhais said, “These individuals care about your desires, needs, and emotions. When you have a concern, they take it seriously. They don’t say, ‘What’s the big deal, forget about it.’ They sit down with you, pay attention, and make an effort for you to feel good. When you want to take a step in life, they support you in that matter and give you courage. They have high empathy and listening skills. They engage in open communication. They can explain why they like or dislike something and expect you to do the same. When you express yourself, they sit down and have a conversation to reach a compromise. Vitamin relationships are the ones we have with people who lead us to a better version of ourselves.”
Achieving a balance in giving and receiving can lead to more enjoyable relationships.
Bhais, who expresses that the true meaning of social relationships is social support, stated, “In fact, it is about making life sweeter, beautiful, cheerful, fun, and enjoyable. The chaotic processes of life wear us out. Our life satisfaction decreases, and psychological problems begin to increase. Therefore, when choosing people around us, we need to think about how much they prioritize my needs, respect my boundaries and desires, and how much I respect the desires of this person. Looking at both what we receive and what we give can lead to more moderate and fulfilling relationships.”
If you are proud of your friend’s success, you are a vitamin person
Dr. Aslı Başabak Bhais, a specialist clinical psychologist, says, “We expect to see more feelings of jealousy in toxic people. When you achieve success, these people can envy it, they can perceive it as a challenge or a message of inadequacy given to themselves. But vitamin people take pride in these things. If you are proud of your friend’s success, if you rejoice on their behalf, it shows that you are a good friend and a vitamin person. This actually requires empathy and self-confidence. I need to trust myself to think that someone else’s success does not threaten me. Otherwise, that success will be a threat to me. It will create concerns like ‘Oh no, they did it and I couldn’t, oh no, they are better than me.’”
Maintaining relationships without trying to change each other
Bhais emphasizes the importance of individuals being able to maintain relationships by expressing their unsuitable or unpleasant behaviors without trying to change each other. She continues:
“For example, I wait for half an hour every time I meet my friend. If this person’s give and take from me in other areas is balanced, if the trust, value, and affection they give me are good and the only downside is being late, then I can adjust myself according to that person. I also arrive late for the next meetings. But if I try to change the other person by saying things like ‘How can you do this, I have been waiting for so long, don’t you value me?’ it will harm me. I don’t protect my boundaries, I try to change something that the other person cannot change, and I get angry because I couldn’t change them.”
We should protect our individual boundaries in all relationships
Bhais states that in relationships, we actually need to protect our individual boundaries. She expresses questioning individual boundaries as follows: “What do I want? What is good for me? How much do I need what I am doing? Does it harm me? Can I tolerate this harm?” When we go through these headings and evaluation criteria in all relationships, including relationships with parents, and when we can protect our boundaries, clearly express boundary violations, we establish much more peaceful relationships.”
We start life without knowing the concept of boundaries.
Üsküdar Üniversitesi NPİSTANBUL Hastanesi Uzman Klinik Psikolog Dr. Aslı Başabak Bhais, noting that our society as Turkish individuals doesn’t have strong personal boundaries, concluded her statement by saying, “In fact, as a society, we may even consider drawing personal boundaries as a bad behavior.”
“As the Turkish society, we generally like to make decisions together. As a result, those boundaries are blurred. Individuals should make decisions about which school they want to attend, what profession they want to pursue, and who they want to unite their lives with in the future. When the opposite happens, we start life without knowing the concept of boundaries. With the experiences gained in later years, individuals mature, see the harm of not being able to protect their boundaries, and try to protect themselves a little more.”
Source: (BYZHA) Beyaz Haber Ajansı
